Lost

Lost is the current feeling.

We've had a fabulous time seeing all of our family & friends over the Christmas Holiday but the flight home is fast approaching.

Twos weeks have already past us here in the UK, but it only feels like two days.

I haven't spent half the amount of time that I wanted to with everyone and there is so much I wanted to do while here but we just haven't had the time.

Right now, I feel lost.

If I am completely honest, I don't want to return to the UAE. I have made some lovely friends out there but there is a lot missing from my life out there.

I'm not happy.

But how do I figure out if I am genuinely not happy out there or if it's just because of the way my head works?

I feel like I'll never know.

Regardless, I have to go back. Adam is so happy in his job and Alfie is the most confident I've ever seen him and that's because of his school ... he just absolutely loves it!

If I ever reached the point where I just couldn't stomach it any longer, I would feel so guilty for my little family. I would be tearing them away from something they clearly love.

The next problem I have is, even though I don't want to return to the UAE, I don't feel like I belong here in the UK anymore.

As welcoming as all of our family and friends have been, It just no longer feels like somewhere I can call home and that's fucking devastating ... what do I now call home?

I can't express enough how lost I feel, and I have no other way of describing how I feel right now ... It's incredibly confusing and the more I think about it, the more confused and frustrated I feel.

That's another example of how this head of mine works. It just doesn't function properly.

I overthink to the point that everything jumbles in a confusing bubble of crap that I then cannot shift.

It's safe to say that the 3rd January is going to be tough. Saying goodbye again I fear will be harder for me than the first time.

Only time will tell how emotions will pan out once I return to the desert.