I got lost.

Hi.

So it's been a while since I've opened up my blog.

I have been meaning to post for a while and it was meant to be positive. I had a week were I felt really great and I hope to get back to that soon with you all.

Then that was followed by a week of shit.

That was then followed by a week of family time as my inlaws came to stay with us. We had to say our goodbyes again last night so today I think we are all a little lost.

So I aim to make this entry as a bit of a refresher of what we've been up to and hope to get back onto feelings this week.

So my good week was fueled by medication. But not because I was taking it.

I was completely clean and for the first time in a long time, the withdrawals had stopped. I could feel myself again, think for myself and it felt great.

I wanted to blog about how I felt at the time but the week of shit fell upon us.

I wont go into too much detail as quite frankly I can't ... it would involve mentioning people, places, businesses online and I wont do that ... that's not what this is about.

Basically to explain a little, we still do not have residential VISA's in order to live in this country. We are on 30 day tourist VISA's.

So, every 30 days we have to 'leave' the country and re-enter in order to get a new 30 day VISA stamp. (This literally involves crossing the border, getting passports stamped and then crossing back over)

We have been doing this for 6 months and although time-consuming and a little stressful, it has basically gone glitch free every time until last week.

For reasons I am unable to elaborate on, we were stopped at the border and not allowed to go through.

We were allowed to go home ... eventually and after two days of shit, mistakes and miss-communication we were allowed to cross the border, gain our VISA stamps and carry on with our lives so to speak.

This is where I would like to elaborate further as it would help you all understand how I am feeling and why I am not happy here and don't see me ever being happy here in this current situation.

However, I can't ... banned content ... moving on.

So then my in-laws came to visit and although at times our little 2 bed apartment was cramped, it was nice to have other adult company, have someone else to take over my parenting duties plus Adam and I actually got to leave the house together without children.

When they left for the airport last night, part of me was happy to have space back again but the other part of me just wants to go home now ... be back around family & friends and try and repair the life we left behind.

But ... that would be easier said than done. I feel lost here and don't feel I belong back home.

The never ending circle.

So that's a quick catch-up from the last couple of weeks. Hopefully things will run a little smoother this week and I can have the energy and mentality to compose a blog worth reading.

Thank you to all who have read, followed, made my view counter tick, private messaged me. So many of you have reached out and it's incredible to receive the feedback that I am getting ... not only has it helped me but I've had so many of you tell me that it has helped you!

Keep reading, keep messaging me and if there is anything you'd like me to explore and blog about... please tell me.