Baby Steps.

I promise ... this is going to be a positive post.

Firstly I'd like to say Hi to my new readers. I've had a boost of readers on the counter, on the Facebook page and messages in my inbox have spiked again.

It's lovely to hear from you all so please feel free to continue to contact. You may do so through this blog site or through the Facebook page (search for 'The Anxious Mother').

The last few weeks, I have felt a huge amount of pressure lift from my chest.

I've forced myself beyond my comfort zone and battled inner demons that have been haunting me for a long time.

These last few weeks have seen me meeting new people, going out alone with not one but both of my children, going out completely alone, arranging playdates, making conversation on the school runs.

Don't get too excited. I am by no means fixed and these things haven't been a constant, everyday for the last 2/3 weeks but I'm getting there.

Little by little, I seem to be stepping further out of my comfort zone and am actually realizing that my front door does unlock when Adam isn't home.

I can leave the house, I can drive the car, I can handle my own children, I can speak to new people, I can speak without saying the wrong things.

I do suffer with side effects (sounds crazy but its true) - pushing myself, physically makes me tired. The emotional pull, drains the life out of me.

If I go out in the mornings and do something I wouldn't normally do, something that makes my anxiety surface ... I end up napping for 2 hours in the afternoon.

The housework keeps taking a back burner, but I am learning that it's ok.

It's ok to have a 'lived-in' home, it's ok to not have dinner planned, it's ok to actually spend a little money each week whilst my husband is at work.

It's all ok. ok?!

I've had my moments. My periods of sheer panic when I realise that it's 1pm, I have to get my 5 year old in an hour and I haven't defrosted any chicken because I was too worried about planning ahead for my playdate this morning.

My anxiety creeping in that maybe I didn't talk enough or ask enough questions when I met a group of mums for the first time.

My chest tightening when it's 10pm, the husband who has worked so hard all week, wants to go to bed but I forgot to take the bedding out of the washing machine and now it's not dry because I had to nap after going to the supermarket today.

Writing this, reading that back, I breath and I look at the final picture...

Me writing this with a smile because I have achieved something.

My 2 year old not acting up because he's got cabin fever. Talking about how much fun he's had with his 'friends'

My 5 year old wanting to show his daddy the awesome play area that mummy took him too.

I'm pushing myself and I'm reaching the limits that a normal human should be reaching ... I think.

I'm not holding huge amounts of hope. I know I'll have my fall soon, it always happens. However, I now know that I CAN pull myself back up.

It's all ok!